from atlanta to the Carolinas! part 2 of tres

i had a lot written and blogger stopped saving it....and started freezing up. i lost all of it so i am rewriting it. that sure is annoying.
I left Atlanta that morning after waking up in that comfy walmart parking lot. Next main destination was some old calvary chapel bible college buddies, Jared and Cassie! They live real close to Greenville South Carolina.
On the way there i will be passing up the beginning of the Appalachian Trail (AT). It officially starts in a town called Dohalonga or something like that and i found a campground called the Amicalola Falls State park which is just 8 miles away from the start of the AT. I was at this point driving up the foothills of the AT. it was great! winding thru the curves of the georgeous Georgia with the colors of Fall beginning to shine their face was a pleasant experience. it was easy to sing aloud in my car with such surroundings screaming life and change! it's what i'm looking for.
I got a camp spot and set up camp. Pictures are currently not downloading to this thing. hopefully they will by the time it's time to post!

my spot

I went for a couple of hikes. I came a cross an amazingly huge praying mantis! i took this as a sign to call out to the Lord. so i mimicked his form and got on my knees and prayed right next to him. i learned my new pose from a praying mantis. it seems so natural. i'm just kidding. i didn't do any of this. all i did was take a couple of pictures. these were some thoughts.

my blurry praying companion

I wanted to pick up this fantastic looking creature. but i didn't. i lacked the knowledge about this critter that would give me the freedom to touch and to handle him intimately. If I had known, i woulda handled him, looked at him closely and admired him from my own hands. he in my world and i in his. but fear, based on my imagination prevented all of this. I imagined in my mind what would happen if i picked him up. maybe he would jab those praying little arms in my eye balls and start sucking out my brain. maybe he would bite my finger. maybe he'd call his other friends and they would all jump on me and suck out all my blood! i had no clue. if i had known that they were harmless creatures in my youth, i had certainly forgotten it at this ripe old age of 31. My relationship to this mantis has been my experience to people and the world around me to some extent. without going into too much detail, as a kind of distant person, being limited in my exposure to different types of people and personalities, i tend to imagine what people are like based on appearance or based on whatever is in my mind. I conjure up untrue ideas about people and how i might be placed in an uncomfortable situation which i want to avoid at all costs. i guess it's something we all do to some extent. we all make judgements on who we spend time with. who we let into our circle. who we open up with. i tend to do it quite a bit. or at least i had the tendency to do it quite a bit. getting close to people, people groups, other religious ideas and learning about them takes the fear away. it's the true knowledge that removes that preconceived false notions i might have had.

Hiking right along.

We are all on some trail in our lives. a spiritual journey. a marriage. an eduction. a personal trial. u name it. it's a path that has a destination. a trail that has been walked on before. a trail that has been blazed before us! those who went before worked hard. They took many of the surprising blows that come with new territory. The trail we are on has been walked on. the sights have been seen. There are people who can tell us the pit falls. the woes. the delights. the struggles. they have wisdom. We can glean from them. We can avoid many of the pitfalls and enjoy many of the delights if we listen. or we can not listen. maybe we have no one to listen to and it seems that we are blazing our own trail. It seems that no one has taken this road before. We feel alone. we feel confused. We don't see a trail to take. we don't know if going left is right, or if going right is right. there is mystery. the truth is that there is a trail just beyond the way. somewhere. we might think we are alone. but we soon will come to a trail where there are others on. They will tell us..."i've been there". They tell us, "it's good what u are going thru". it gives us hope. sometimes we just see the traces of a trail. get a glimpse that some other person had been here before. i don't know how to end this trail story so i'll stop there. =)

this guy was screaming wisdom. or yawning.

moving along. this day was a breakthrough for me. u see....i'd been eating ham and turkey sangwiches for friggin ever for lunch and dinner and cereal for breakfast! all day! every day! this time i had hamburger meat.. and i cooked it.  made a yummazing burger for lunch and some fantastic ramen noodles and hamburger for dinner. mmmmmmm. change it up!

this dog was on the road trip also. too cool.

Steven and his mother Annette (i think)

the night time. chilly. cold. 2am i was awoken by the sound of HARLY'S. two of them. and they didn't turn off their engine..i don't know why. the next morning i went for another hike and then came back to tear down camp and wash my laundry. i saw the harly davidson bikers. they looked cool. their bikes were loaded with gear like that were travelling bikers going across the country. they looked fairly young. a cute young woman and a handsome young man. I was curious. i rode over to them on my motorless cycle and asked what they were about and what they were doing. the young man replied, "my name is steven and this is my mother". whoa. his momma looked young. anyhow. their story is pretty neat. he just graduated with a construction engineering degree and can't find work in this economy with that degree and  his mom has the time......so they bought some bikes and are taking a road trip all the way from Florida to New Hampshire hitting up the sights and seeing some of the beautiful parts of creation. Mom and son! touring the country. i thought it was cool. i called my mom and told her we will do this one day! =)

the place of my new found short hair do.

I left the campground. (this takes forever to write this stuff... ugh=)  off to South Carolina! i stopped to get my hairs cut by a neat sweedish woman.  

My friends. it was good to catch up with them. They were very hospitable. have two beautiful boys and a girl on the way. due in just a couple of weeks! Leaving their house, Cassie loaded me with yummy goodness! even some meat that i haven't eaten yet. ha! but i will soon enough when i have the chance! hopefully i wont get sick. it's been 1 week since i recieved this yummness! (i tried posting a pic of their beautiful family.. but it's just not loading now, maybe it was not meant to be. =)

Wednesday night i went looking for a place to dance. swing dance that is. u should go do it. it's a clean and fun type of dance. i hadn't danced in a while. so i found this bar that was doing "shag" dancing. i don't know what that is. i got there a bit early and when i walked in to this place i realized this was an older crowd. i seemed to be the youngest person in the room. they ranged from 40-60ish. talk about out of place. i wanted to leave.... but what the heck. i'm not trying to pick up a chick or nothing. i just wanted to dance. i went to the closest person to me and made some small talk. she was older and she was kind enough to introduce me to some other men (which is more uncomfortable for me, men intimidate me, but what the heck...u can't lose with bullshit small talk). i talked to this philipino guy. he was very blunt. when he found out that i was single he said something like this.

"why u don't have wife? i have some good hard working girls u might like. They work as accountants and engineers. i can give u their email. u can talk on email and when u like eachother more than friends u can get a marriage visa and bring them here to marry them. great young women. what is your number. or i can give u their email. (pulling out pen)."

ha! he was trying to hook me up with Philipina women. too funny. i kindly declined. i did ask him to show me how to do the shag. so we stood up and he showed me. it was kinda confusing. slightly different that my normal 6 count swing move, but close enough. he then said,

"There's a woman, go ask her to dance. What are u waiting for? she's just sitting there. go dance with her"

ha! this guy! quite pushy. well. it was what i needed though. i was quite intimidated by the quality of these peoples dancing and thought i might make a fool of myself. But man...let me tell ya. i felt like the sh*t out there. all these old folks were looking at me. the lady i danced with said i was good. when i got back to my chair, the philipino guy (whom i forgot his name) said. "ur better than me, u are real good, what are u doing telling me u can't dance? u know what u are doing!" this guy cracked me up. He then said, "look theres another woman. go ask her to dance! she's by herself. go dance with her.!!"
i said, "(name), ur a little too fast for me.. hang on man... let me take a breath." i needed this push though. it's what got me going to do what i wanted to do.. but was fearful to do. so after the song finished i went up to the cutest woman in the room. i was extremely intimidated.  she looked closer to my age. i don't knwo when she snuck in. she looked 25-35 ish.. but i was guessing about young 40s. i went up to her and asked her if she would like to dance. she said, "i just want to say i don't know the shag, i know west coast swing". i said, "thats great, i don't know the shag either. but i do know the east coast swing". we didn't know the difference. so we went for it. we got to talking and she has a 24 year old and another one right on up there. she was 48! what is it with these young looking older women. they are very deceptive.
That was that adventure. i had to leave early to get to cassie and jareds house before it was too late. i snuck in 5 or 6 dances with 3 different women. well worth the free price.

earlier in the day i hit up the local greenville downtown. this too was pretty. no convos though. here's some pics.

I crashed my final night there with my friends and left for North Carolina where i know some more bible college people and also to meet an old business connection from Amcon, my former job. Christy!
(to be continued)

Leaving Atlanta. part one of 3.

My current status is up in the mountains (i think) of Asheville, North Carolina. the NW part of NC. my ride up here was a bit on the rainy side. The last few days have been raining. I hear it has been the same for my homeland as well. I hadn't seen rain since i left Houston and made it into Louisiana. I'm amongst the mountains. I experienced the ear poppin driving this way. it was getting dark and it was raining so the mountains had their cloud wigs on. i couldn't see their nakedness which i was longing for. it was covered in mystery. I LOVE MOUNTAINS so much but i couldn't see them as i was climbing them. even now at 9:50am eastern time i can't see much of this landscape. Tomorrow should be sunny according to the predictors of weather.

I ended my last blog on a Saturday afternoon in Atlanta.
That night i experimented more with visiting bars. you know it's really a foreign experience for me. i know not much about alcoholic beverages nor do i know much about bar atmospheres. and i'm ok with that. =) its especially awkward going into them now by myself. but it's kinda interesting. i never know what the heck is going to happen.... who i'm going to meet....i know why people like them....i think.

little 5 points ATL rasta!

after walking in and out amongst the streets where people mingle, i met this guy doing some bangin beats with his makeshift drum and singing. it was great! i walked further down and met another guy...he was walking up to people selling poetry on the spot. i dug it. "do u enjoy great poetry? would u be willing to pay a little cash to hear the best poetry u've ever heard?" "sure" i said as i was locking up my bicycle to the rail across from Porters bar where Tessa, Ken and myself met up the night before."give me any 4 words and i will use them in my poem". He busted out. I got my couple dollars worth. it was interesting, unique and enjoyable. Spiritual connotations came out much in his time to rhyme. i neglected to get a pic. i've since learned to be more blunt about taking pictures. but nevertheless i am still forgetful.
so this night i went into the vortex bar and grill and i sat next to this guy, and asked him what he was drinking. i didn't know what it was but i asked the bartender for the same thing. that's what i usually do. "i'll have what s/he's having". just for the record, All beer still tastes like crap to me. they say it's an acquired taste....and well.....damnit. i can't wait for the day when drinking that beer is refreshing. it's almost a chore drinking it.
whatever. so somehow me and this guy talked for a minute or something and i guess the word "lesbian" came out in dialog. the girl sitting next to us chimed in and looked and listened. "i heard the word lesbian and it caught my attention". Then she turned back around to her buddy. the guy i talked to left and i was sitting at the bar by myself. i've only known one practicing lesbian my whole life and we never really talked much since i became a christian. But now since i was a bit more apt to talk, i started up a dialog with my lesbian neighbor Diana about lesbianism. =) it was great.  anyway, after talking for a bit Diana and her friend Tracy both made offers for me to crash at their house. Incredibly nice folks. I crashed at Diana's and split the next morning. wasn't smart enough to get pictures of my host! dangit! but i like lesbians now. =)
the next morning i went to visit the First Existentialist Church of Atlanta! it was amazing. it was a part of the Unitarian Universalist tradition. the preacher preached it well. i don't know where my notes are but part of what i got out of it was how to accept other peoples experiences. how to embrace them with kindness! not to be bitter. but to be kind. Often these days, when i tell people i have a hard time with prayer or the notion that god actually interacts with us, i hear personal stories and experiences that are shared to let me know that god does answer prayer and does interact. but this is not my experience. what do i do? do i dog the story. dog that persons experience? of course not! I should, as much as i can celebrate that experience with them. that is real to them. that is confirmation for them. not for me. if they aren't celebrating it! They should be! anyway. it was an interesting group of folk. i dug it!

Chris the Cross dresser

that night i was going to hit up this one particular atlanta park. i don't recall the name, but it's pretty big and it's obviously very popular. by the time i got to this park, loads of vehicles were going in and out of this thing. i think i had just missed some art fair, cuz when i was riding my bike around artsy stuff was everywhere being packed into uhauls and junk. People were everywhere. Just before i went into this park, i saw a big sign that said something like, "free live show...blah blah" and mentioned the band name. i thought this was at the park so i waiting around looking for live music. well, the music was at this restaurant/bar place which is pretty much connected to the park. as i rode around the park there was a drum circle going. I've been hearing "drum circle" a lot since i met Ruffio. This was my first one to see. it wasn't that exciting to me. i'm looking forward to hearing some more....especially here in Asheville. This place sounds like it's a very eclectic place. at the drum circle was this guy in the photo. he was wearing a bikini top, hula skirt and was shaking one of those new work out things. u can see his wig. this guy started talking to me. very interesting fellow. he had a lover to committed suicide several years ago. he seems to be a content guy. he's real into numerology and junk. he was adding my numbers up and telling me things about myself. whatever. =) to each his own. he's into numerology, not because it doesn't make any sense or has no value, but because it made a tremendous impact in his life. he read some book, i don't recall what it was but it changed him radically. it set him free from certain things and gave him understanding of his world around him.

Anyhow, it was getting late this night and me and Chris the crossdresser were talking for about an hour or so. i wanted to go hear some live music. he invited me to crash at his house....but this one was a little too odd for me. i wasn't comfortable to sleep at this guys house. so we went out separate ways and i split and went to the live music. i was listening to these sweet grooves when Tessa (the girl i met friday night) walked right by me. it was a sign from the Lord. just kidding. anyway, we hung out listening and moving to the groovin beats. Then she went home this sunday night. it was still early (11:30ish) and i wasn't done yet. i wanted to meet someone else.
This is kinda lame, but i was hanging around this place walking amongst the crowds by myself. at one point i was chilling enjoying the weather outside and i was poking my nose to get this really hard booger out...and my nose started gushing out blood like no other time in my life! i'm glad it was dark. My mom always told me not to pick my nose in public. so i ran in kinda trying to cover up my face so no one would see. what a dork. =) i confess. ha ha. the things i'll admit on here. =)
anyway. i ended  up going to my car. this was my last day in atlanta. i drove around looking for a wal-mart. dang GPS leads me to some of the wierdest places. it took me over an hour to find a real walmart. found it. Fell asleep. Then it was off to South Carolina next.
(to be continued)

change ups and left turns being right....not wrong.

A not-so-brief update.

I enjoyed my birthday. i went to the beach in Biloxi MS and read. and then wept bitterly. just kidding. i received limited sleep the night of my birthday. I actually traveled and went and saw a movie in mobile alabama and then went to find a place to lay my head.

the actual moment i turned 31 years old.

I should take pictures of the places where i sleep for ur viewing pleasure. i slept in another hotel parking lot. this one was nice and dark. I found myself waking up the next morning with a Chevy Yukon (maybe, suburban-like) running right next to me with a man sitting in it, smoking cigarettes and reading the news paper. RIGHT NEXT TO ME. i'm sleepin in a car right next to a guy that doesn't know i'm sleeping in my car. I don't want to move. I could see his cigarette in his fingers hanging outside his drivers side window. i don't want him to see me. i don't know why,....what would he do? what would he think? who cares.. but i was kinda felt i should be motionless. he took like 20 minutes more. so i just lay there, silent, awake, motionless.

so then i shot over to Pensacola Florida.

i think it says welcome to florida

i was going to go to a starbucks on the NAS (naval air station) in Pensacola but the bitter old guard checking ID's didn't let me in cuz i had  a temporary paper Drivers License..remember i lost my wallet. punk. =)
so it all works out u know. so i ended up finding myself in a place called gulf breeze Florida which is just over a bridge from Pensacola.
I wanted to go to the Brownsville Assembly of God...this is where a big movement known as the Brownsville revival got it's start. It was a bunch of miracles and healings and gold dust and gold fillings being put in peoples mouths and all sorts of other craziness back in the late 90's. i wanted to see some of that action. but ...it started at 6:30pm Wednesday.. it was already 6:45.
so anyhow gulf breeze calvary chapel popped up in my mind for some reason. I'll tell u why in a minute. so i went to the church gathering. and as i'm sitting there i start wondering if i know someone from my Calvary Chapel Bible College Days that lived in Gulf Breeze. I couldn't recall. anyhow. when the church service ended.....my old roommate Niel Spencer went up to lead worship. ha! i was his dorm steward back in 2002.. (that means i wore the pants in the room. =) Gulf Breeze was the church his pops started several years ago. we had a brief greeting. Then i left. This is why "gulf breeze Calvary chapel"popped in my mind. Neil.
i slept in a hotel that night (never again...too much cash) i needed to catch up on sleep.
I left the next morning and met 2 people. the first was Ruffio. He was really drunk and holding a sign on the side of the road that said "I wanna be a miillionare so freaking bad"(sic)...millionaire was misspelled. we found that out later as we looked closer at the sign.

anyway as i went up to talk to him, the cops also came up to him at the same time. they told him to move from the side of the street.. i just wanted to talk to him and read his sign cuz i actually couldn't read it when i passed him on the road. so i asked him what his sign was....he responded "Libra".  ha! anyway i asked him his destination and he was trying to go north.
i had to think about this. I got really anxious and fearful for some reason. i didn't like it. i was considering all the friends of mine and the wisdom of being cautious with whom i pick up. the warnings of friends put healthy fear in my mind i guess. so i told Ruffio that i was gonna read a little bit (which was my initial motivation for pulling over, not talking to Ruffio) and if he wanted to go chill at a near by pavillion, i would go and see him in a little bit.

my short journal entry which i wrote while feeling anxious:

Slept in gulf Breeze last night
in a motel for $40. I wanted to
sing at an open mic but was on the phone
with simon woodstock for a long time
then Julie Delagarza. I was really lacking
sleep-it is good to catch up here and there. My sleep has
been bad since brads house.
Anyhow I am detouring from Florida
 up to Montgomery. I wanted to pull
over to meditate and chill. I noticed some
kid holding a sign on the side of the road.
As I went over to him after I parked
the cops came over to him as i did.
They spoke to him. [I spoke to the cop later
and he said the kid wasn't wanted, nor was
his bike a stolen bike]. - his name is "rufio" he says.
He wants to get up North. Since
when do i fear my life being
jacked? he was a bit high. As i look up for him- he's no
longer there [at the pavillion that i could see].
i say this trip is about people. Rufio is a person.
What do i do? what can i offer to someone like Rufio?
What can he offer to me?

Never before have i been scared to pick up people like this. i'm doing it! so i drove the 100-200 yards to go see if he was around the area.

He was crashed on the picnic table. I shook him and yelled his name.. but he was out. really really out. so i turned around and started talking to an old gentleman named James McKantz. Awesome older man. Our perspectives on god were very similar. His daughter wants him to look into Ron Paul. i want u to look into ron paul. James is sick of politics.

this guy was amazing and quite enjoyable to talk to. back to the left is Ruffio sleeping. u can't really see him.

After talking to James for about an hour...i tried waking up Ruffio again. "do u want to go up north?" i asked 3-4 times before he got up quickly. He really wanted to leave Pensacola. 

I really like Ruffio. He is a social butterfly. He naturally is how i wish i'd been for most of my adult life. I won't mention but a few things about this guy.
I asked him why he was travelling.."i'm running away from myself". Sounded familiar to me. Our damn selves are everywhere we go. We can't escape them. He keeps going to a new place cuz it's like a new beginning.
Ruffio is incredibly smart. His knowledge about many subjects flows from his lips with confidence....except knowledge of any technological advances ie cell phones, internet wii. he'd been in prison and jail for 7 out of the past 10 years. Stories of sex, drugs, acid trips, and drunkenness also flowed freely. Humorous stories. He says he wouldn't trade any of it. Near death experiences. attempted suicide on mothers day when his mother didn't answer the phone. she's been ignoring him for quite some time now. He's hurting. He said one of his happiest moments was when his dad called him while he (ruffio) was in prison in 2005. They talked for 15 minutes. moisture glazed over his eyes at the mention of his father.
So where were we heading? up north. we looked on a map and i said i can drop him off at montgomery alabama... then i'm off to see some friends. He was cool with anywhere up north. As we studied the map he pointed to columbus, Georgia. "that's where my dad lives". He'd never met his dad. he saw a picture when his dad had a red fro. he knew he was in that town, but had no numbers or anything. so we now had a mission. Find Ruffio's pop! Adventure begins. We did some rowdy searching via the web and those places that do some background checks and all. Calling, knocking, driving, disappointments, bad leads, jail records, anxious anticipation, let downs.....it was hard. we felt like investigators. when we first got to columbus GA it was before 9 pm. we wanted to do some knocking before 10. little did we know that the time change had occurred. it was way past 9pm... actually 10:50 when i went knocking on this one door. bad idea. but hey... i didn't know it was soooo late. no answer. it was quite an erie looking house. u could tell by the lighting thru the sheet covered windows that tvs were on in like 3 different rooms. No one answered. That night i slept in my car in a walmart parking lot. he slept on a bus bench.
Our major investigations turned up short the following day. bummer. we had narrowed all our searching down to two good leads but no one answered the doors during work hours. I ended up leaving Ruffio in columbus. he wanted to stay and follow up with the final two leads. We shall hope he gets up on his feet. oh yeah...Ruffio will not call himself a christian though he knows all about it. he really believes all of it. he just knows he cannot serve two masters...so he is either going to serve god whole heartedly or...not at all. So....a life of pleasure it is....or is it? Ruffio definitely unintentionally inspired me to drink more....social reasons for me.

this is blurry, but i like it. =) our departing moments.

I left columbus and headed to Smyrna Ga which is a little town on the outskirts of Atlanta like Universal City is to San Antonio to see some old work contacts that we used to do business with. They gave me a heads up of some hot spots in Atlanta. Last night was my first night going out drinking by myself ever with intentions of actually meeting people and enjoying myself. i never did much of this. my christianity, my introvertedness and my self depreciating perspective on myself prevented me.
now the idea is that doing any of these things destorys lives. But i hardly buy that. Excess of anything brings about sorrows of many kinds... moderation is key. so i ended up meeting this beautiful cello player named Tessa...we went to some bar to meet a dood named Ken. both of them were spectacular company. Ken is loaded with amazing stories and knowledge. Both of them are free from traditional religion now. Ken is a Buddhist and Tessa claimed to be a unitarian. I ended up crashing at Kens house. no pics. i forgot.

Last night while riding my bike around the areas looking for little bars...i asked this one guy (angelo) if he knew where a certain street was.. he didn't. somehow we got to talking. he made it known he was trying to get some food. so i said i have some food in my car....he was gonna take what i offered...but after a hair more probing from yours truly, i found that he didn't just need food for himself, but for his wife and kiddos. so i don't give money out ever to anyone....that's a lie. i do upon rare occasions. i usually try to meet the specific need they seek. he needed groceries so we went to Krogers to get some food for the wife and kids. we rode back to his house on our bicycles. he politely offered me to sleep on his couch and wondered if i could give him a ride in the morning. i offered to come back a little later if it was ok. it never happened. that is when i met tessa.
This morning i went back to his house to give him that ride. I hurt hearing these stories of hurting humanity. seeing the pain and the struggles of fellow humans. it is not known to me by experience. the closer i get to people with those kind of hurts...the more i hurt for them. the more it seems compassion is built up in me. but what do i have to offer? definitely not eternal hope. that doesn't help any with their pressing needs. it's like saying "be warm and filled buddy, i'm praying for ya." as long as ur going to heaven after all this... damnit.

Angelo..kinda dark.

anyway. Ruffio and Angelo saw my deeds as a sign from god, in particular Jesus. and i'm fine with that.  i spent some more time with angelo. after the ride i rested on his couch recooping from my horrible headache from too much alcohol. damn alcohol and it's effects. i shall try to avoid such symptoms as much as possible in the future.

Anyway.. GEORGIA IS GORGEOUS. there's no mountains. but there is awesome hills and its super greeeeen!!! i loved the woodlands near houston cuz of the tall plentiful trees...Georgia has the trees, but also has the bomb hills!!!! plus plus!!! i'm hoping to hit up some mountain biking trails today if possible.. These blogs take way too long to write.  but i'm comfy in a nice starbucks with some chill music playing in the background.

Finally finished. dangit! 630pm. too late for a bike ride. i'll poke around the area til night time.
love.
adamus.

Birthday in Biloxi.

Happy Birthday! i hear all of u singing to me in my  mind.  Then i fall asleep cuz i'm so tired!
Thanks for the greetings on Facebook.

This post will be short.
I've slept twice in my car this whole trip. This is the funnest part to me. its very exciting ..... and uncomfortable.

I spent much of my time last night starting to write the previous blog. really long! I had to leave the starbucks and came to wall mart to shower and shave. just kidding. that means i brushed my teeth and prepared my bed for the night. I am allowed to sleep in walmart parking lots.. but it's just too bright. I spent much time reading last night until about midnite. There was a man who drove over to me and asked me if i wanted some food. he was sleeping in his car too. U know..us people who sleep in cars watch out for eachother. We got eachothers backs.
anyhow...i ended up ditching him and following my initial plan of crashing in the parking lot of a hotel. Which i did.
My sleep experience was limited on the sleep part. i was on a slight incline and that was awkward. Then at about 3 in the a.m. i realized it was friggin cold. about 68 or so outside which meant nice and chilly in the car. I also realized i was right in a flight path. i think that might have  been keeping me up at night also.
=)
But i'm out and about this morning! For my birthday i think i'lll...... well. i'm not a big fan of birthdays (i'm analyzing why) so i don't think i'll do much tonight unless i find a place to sing or dance at! maybe get TRRAAASSSHEEED.... or  WWASSSSTTTTEEEDDDDDDD!!!!.  just kidding. That's a reference to an open air preacher named Jesse Morrel.
much love and thanks for the greetings again!

the living quarters. left is all my crap:guitar, fridge, extra food and all. and to the right is my bed. This was Midnite at Walmart!

I'm trying to kill someone. I will call him my inner asshole! He nails me on issues of worth. it's not the devil. It's my reinforced thinking habits that come so natural. he is who i've grown up with for most of my life. He's a butt! but i'm about to butt him out of my brain so i can be free from his critiques!

love and sleep!
Remember the Adamo.

L is for Lovely folk in Louisiana and I'm Missing my monies in Mississippi

So I don't intend on giving all and every detail to my trip. =) that would be weird. wierd. dangit. spell check doesn't work on this thing. There it's working.

So i debate on how intimate i want to get with all u faceless people. I only have 10 followers, but i know there's freaking way more people reading this stuff and that is scary to me. what if i say ur an asshole in my post and hurt ur feelings? what if i tell u the secret to my strength and u use it against me?  what if...what if?... well. i will not live by what ifs. i'll try and be honest and just keep editing as i go trying to be wise.

K. So after leaving Houston, I decided to go visit a young man named stephen the poet. Well. I didn't want to go visit this kid cuz he was way out of the way off of the I-10.. but i thought to myself. "self, you have family in this little village known as Leesville. You never see them, go see them!" so i did. 2 peoples, one trip.
you know, i have nowhere to be with any schedules. so hey. ho. Lets go Adamo!
Stephen was a cool 19 yo kid. advanced beyond his years with maturity. good kid. I hope he goes far in life. It's been a tough one for him.

Family. Donald and David, Leesville LA

anyhow. Then i met up with some 2nd cousins, David and Donald. That was really cool. I don't feel too close to much of my family. I don't think feelings matter much with family though, cuz well... no matter how u feel about them, they are still ur family. either u can try to make a good family relationship with effort, or u can let it go to shit like most things. (i started cussing more in Louisiana, i'm sure this effect will depart once i leave Mississippi).

effect of windy road driving

so i hung out with these guys for a night at a bar.  I hadn't seen them in well over 10 years.chit chatted a bit (i'm not a good conversationalist, so a drink or 2 helps me tremendously with my insecurities, even around family). good time. I left really late at night from Leesville LA down some windy road. The speed limit was 55 but it was soooooooo dark and trees were but 15ft away on either side of this small road. Having hit a deer in 2002 with my Chevy S10 coming back from California once, these cramped highways bring terror to my mind in the form of flashbacks when i busted up Bambi so long ago. I couldn't go 55, it was more like 35 to 45 depending on the turns in the road. anyway. one thing stood out to me as i drove this....there was no dead deer on the side of the road like there is EVERYWHERE in texas. Louisiana deer are obviously much more intelligent than Texas deer. Impressive. I survived this portion of the trip headed down to Mandeville Louisiana where an old coworker now lives and works. Bradliferous. aka Brad.

My last minute with the Brad.

A sign the sign makers made with me present.

Everyone in LA was incredibly hospitable. Especially brad. he opened up his trailer to my soul from thurs night til this morning (monday). In Louisiana Brad introduced me to a couple that befriended him and who feed him often. They were super cool with soooo many stories to tell. They were once traveling magicians.  Now they have their own sign business. Heh. I think after my trip, if they still need help (cuz they are booming) I just might head back to LA to help these lovely folks out. That is if they could use me of course. Side note: One night we were sitting outside of these folks super massive RV and some of their old friends were there…the woman was a tad bit drunk from tsaki. Saki? Some Chinese alcoholic drink. Ha! Anyway this woman was very friendly. To keep it short, we ALL got to see some 50 y.o. butt and boobs. I don’t know how else to say it. =) it was unexpected and not really desired. But I thought u would like to know this portion of the adventure! Her husband was even there instigating some of the actions!

Gordon Dexter Cat the Sleeping Companion

So close i could touch him if i had 3 foot longer arms.

So next. My nights at casa de Brad were kinda sleepless for some reason. A possible reason might be the over stimulated cat whom I called Gordon (Dexter is his real name). Late at night he would be attacking things, some of which were my toes, or the mirror above my head or a piece of trash. In the process of his attack on something, I would get a claw or something similar in my flesh. =) he was good company. So Bradley drove me around quite a bit. I saw alligators and fed them marshmallows.  I saw Nawlins (new Orleans, the who dat nation). I tasted a fried shrimp Po boy. Thanks brad for everything!

The place where money doesn't seem as real.

I left about noon from Mandeville Louisiana. And headed towards Mississippi. I’ve never gambled before today other than lottery tickets. When I walked in the casino I asked the guard what to do. Pretty easy. Stick in money, and pull the handle. My mother gave me some advice to quit while u are ahead. So I had $30 going into this place in Biloxi MS. I racked up the dough pretty quick. Before u know it, I was up to $95 dollars or so. Then my mothers voice came to my head. ….but it was shortly overridden by greed and lust for more of that dropping-change sound. Within minutes I was down to $0. =( what a fool! There’s no way I was pulling out more money! It was very fun while it lasted.
This stuff sounds boring to me for others to read about. What might sound lame to u experienced folks, is more than likely new to me. I’m a virgin to many things. Gambling is one of them. So tonight I look for a place to lay my head in Biloxi. The water is gorgeous. The night sky is clear. The smell of cow crap whisked by my nose as I started saying good things about Biloxi. What the heck! It’s not going away!
some spiritual things on my mind:
Sunday morning I wanted to go visit a local church. This is still fun to me. Spiritual type things and the human experience is very interesting. I love going in churches now with a mind that doesn’t have to view things in light of the bible. Very freeing. It’s enjoyable watching from an unbiased, neutral opinion. What I mean by this is that I don’t have my biblical glasses on anymore and I don’t listen to things from that perspective. Nor do i have to agree with everything, no matter how much i'm told it's essential. But I am now looking thru my own glasses. Running things by according to my experience and by what makes sense to ADAMO. I’d been driving around Louisiana and saw churches at EVERY FREAKING CORNER.

So I left about 9am Sunday morning to go look for some church that would start pretty soon. My first choice was a Unitarian Universalist congregation. But they didn’t start til 10:30 and I told Brad I’d be back by 11:30. So I drove around looking…and drove looking… and drove and drove freaking all over 2 different towns looking for a church, but none were starting when I was near them. Before you know it, it was 10:30 already. =) so I went to my first choice.  NOTE ***If u have a hard time with many of the things in the bible, or u wish god wasn’t as narrow as he is in the bible, or if u just can’t buy the fact that u can’t be good without god and that the majority of people in the world will burn in hell forever….u should check out a unitarian universalist congregation. It’s a very enjoyable experience. Sometimes. Sometimes it can be kinda weird too, but most of my experiences have been super enjoyable. http://www.uua.org/visitors/6798.shtml  Check out some of their ideas. They are not lead by outdated doctrines that cause division, rather they are moved by love and are open to doubts and foster and nurture seeking out truth for yourself using reason and experience. It’s still a community of like minded people. They believe in all the things that all religions hold to. Ideas and concepts that are more clearly universal and not hindered by location. They do good things, not to be saved or to even have the fruits looking like they are saved, but because it’s right and reasonable to do. I’m sure they are not all perfect! Who the heck is?

In the meeting on Sunday the presiding speaker talked about Beliefs for Non-Believers. Some Buddhist teacher was quoted saying something along the lines of, “Never believe what I tell u. Never hold to it forever without question. What u hear from me, try it out and apply it, if it works, then go with the teaching. If it doesn’t, then change it.” Something like that. U will never hear that from a Christian pulpit that holds to the bible so fundamentally. But this makes sooo much sense. One thing doesn’t work for all people across the board. Nothing except the laws of nature. I might be wrong. We as humans are soo diverse, so unique. So many past experiences and hurts and understandings. It doesn’t work in my mind that there is one way for all. And I’m not referring to one way to heaven. I’m referring to one way to peace and life and happiness. Jesus makes some happy. But not all. Jesus gives some hope. But not all.
To be honest with u, most of the time I feel depressed lately. I’m figuring out why. The quick answer is “obviously this happened when you left the faith. Go back to Jesus and have life again.” But I don’t think that is the solution. This did show more apparently when I left the faith, but I think it’s been there for quite some time. There’s more than one answer for most things….except simple mathematical equations. There’s more than one way to Biloxi Mississippi. I took the scenic route. There’s more than one way to make a subway sangwich. There is more than one way to have your hairs cut. There is ways to defy gravity (temporarily). One way for some things, not one way for most things! Having more options to cipher thru isn't easy... But it sure is more enjoyable to have to freedom to actually listen to other ideas and that they might actually be better than what i have been experiencing.

Anyhow.
Bleh.
Super long. Super boring for u! super fun for me! Vaya con Dios!
Adamo
I'm still down the road from San Antonio! I-10. Hopefully not too much longer.

Actually leaving Texas I say! I hope I speak of a truth!

So Houstons been grand. A list of highlights is below if ur interested. **
So all the anxiety that was with me before i left san antonio is upon my soul again. The fears of finding a place to sleep that's safe and... well....that's pretty much it i think. and i know i'll be having some sleepless nights due to humidity and heat sleeping in the car at night.. but hey. can't complain. i signed up for it. I hope the rest of the trip is eventful. I hope it's going to be a good time. I hope i conquer some things that hinder me in my life. =) i hope i get clarity on certain things. i hope i hear god. i hope i read. i hope i meet people. i hope i don't get mugged. i hope i don't feel overly alone. i hope the gps doesn't lead me off a cliff. I'm very hopeful. In the end I hope i am content. That's it.

I could go on with more hopes. But rather i hope u too will pursue the things that ur heart desires.  For some reason this type of road trip is appealing to me. The more i tell people about it, the more i see that soooo many of u would want to do the same thing too. Many can't due to obligations, but that's ok. Cuz most of the obligations are precious kiddos.  The more I hear of other peoples excitement for me, it gets me even more excited and thankful that i have the resources to make such a trip. But i'm scared. But certainly all change is hard and can be a challenge. To step out and do those things u wish u could do. Be more bold. More confident. More wise with the funds. More wise with time. More wise with people. More time with family. Changing. it's worth breaking habits that keep u stagnant. It's worth taking steps towards accomplishing goals. It's worth taking steps towards accomplishing anything that u would set ur heart to do.

I prolly will not be signing on as much any more. but if i do. .. .please tell me to stay off the computer. I've had too much of it in Houston. but s'all good. If u see someone i know, give them a high 5 and tell them it was from me. hell, even if i don't know them. give them a high 5 and tell them u care about them! then give them a hug. =) if u think about me. think good things. =) or if u pray. pray for me. i don't mind.

if u read these posts. u r really special to me.
Remember the Adamo.

Me and my mad kayak poses.

the Four Theis's and me with my moob standing out. just before the left to South Dakota.

this fool (me) went out into this water fountain with his cell phone in his pocket.

Neil-io and Lisa from San Antonio! he's my neighbor.

I was so scared. But the first times the hardest! It only gets easier.

**Bought a camera. I was present the day Kat and Derek (my hosts) found out they were prego. That was awesome! Went to Joel Osteens. Met up with my uncle whom i never ever see. Learned a bit of photo shop. Met a cool guy named justin patrick. met up with some friends from San Antonio here in Houston and went kayaking. Met a crazy neat really spiritual guy who invited me to a Poetry Open mic! Bomb!. Then ended it with me doing what i love to do, but which i haven't done in years...sing at a open mic. tight. There were lots more smaller adventures of course.

the scene of damage, in the mind and on my car!

Wednesday, September 1. 2010. I am in houston so i thought to go see one of the fastest growing most happening church functions around. Big dog Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church. i was going to post pictures... but i just now accidentally deleted every houston picture i've taken up til this point, including all my mega-church pics. oh well. moving right along.
The scene is that this place is mega huge. It's in the Compaq Center formerly known as the summit where several houston teams used to play including the Houston Rockets. I didn't know this. i just looked it up.

The parking is main event parking in fancy car garages layered on top of each other made of bunches of steel and concrete. now, u know how before you go into a fast food drive thru, there is the clearance sign telling your vehicle clearance so ur vehicle doesn't get damaged? Well, I didn't see that sign going into the parking garage and i happened to have my bike on the roof of my car, which i haven't had on my car roof since i've been in Houston.. I forgot. So.....The scenario is as follows: I drove into the clearance sign and ripped off my roof rack and busted up my bike all the while there is like 30 cars trying to get into Lakewood Church right behind me on the access road.
That's the scenario. Well, good thing that right before i drove in too far, the church cop yelled at me and said....YOU'RE TOO TALL... "What?" i thought to myself as i came to a halt....and then i got really excited when i figured out what he was talking about and was super happy that he was there otherwise the scenario would've been real. i hope i didn't frighten u.
so he kindly stopped all traffic and let me back out in reverse from the one lane entrance. yessss! so i went to the next entrance where i couldn't even see if it was the same kind of clearance. So i drove right thru as this Church cop waved me on.....so i yelled at him...do i have clearance and pointed to the bike on the roof... and then he said,..."WAIT, no you don't !!!!   ha! i'm glad he had this post and not the first post! This is a lame story. But anyway, i had room to pull off to the side there and take the bike off the roof and stick it in the family room of my family wagon.

Long notes for nothingness!
anyhow. Joel's church was crazy huge. I wish i had pictures. There was passion and shouting and singing and loud music and lights. It was very aesthetically pleasing to the eye and i imagine fascinating to someone new to the concept of a loving god.

Anyhow. i don't have much to share about the message or any spiritual insight that i have other than me wondering why soooooOOOO many people like this church? is it cuz they tickle ears there? is it cuz they don't talk about sin and people love their sin so that is why they go? who knows? Speculation with preconceived notions fueling them is not what i'm after. I'm just thinking out loud here.

But this is what i noticed. Lots of these people hurt like most people in the world. At some time or another someone is feeling pain or grief, or doubts or some sort of sorrows. Joels mom went up and shared some verses speaking about happiness and strength in God and joy and diligence. I thought to myself that people are not comfortable talking openly about the issues of sadness or depression...or loneliness or wrong behaviors. They don't speak much about it on tv, at work with peers nor in most public places...these are private taboo matters to most of the world. Pain! Lots of people do not have the freedom to express such hurt inside the soul. So when there is a group, the church, that speaks soooo freely and openly about it, this is foreign to a wounded heart and soul yet it is very appealing because for the most part, they haven't heard any other options given them to resolve life issues such as depression, fear, anxiety, and sadness. The church is out there and prevalent on TV, radio, internet and many church buildings everywhere offering hope to the hurting. They are doing a great thing.

My thought is that there ARE other options to resolve life's issues. basic things. Simple things. A little bit of honest discussion and openness, for one, helps people heal and think of different perspectives on their situation. But other options are not too well known (at least in my experience). as an 18-19 year old depressed kid, who do i talk to about my suicidal thoughts? about my loneliness? WHOOO?? many do not have a strong family support system where honesty and openness are common. Many do not have even have friends they can speak on these issues with either.

I recognized this in previous months: I did NOT come to Jesus cuz i recognized that I was a sinner in need of a savior.. I came to Jesus because i was freaking lonely, depressed and hurting on the inside. I didn't have many friends, i was a social outcast. i am an only child with a single mother, communication was not a common thing for me to do. I spent most of my time alone living in my fearful thoughts. So when i met some folks who had a strong family, really loving, really nice, really amazing..i fell in love, not with jesus, but with the notion that happiness was possible. I associated their happiness with the Jesus they spoke so publicly often about. But i didn't need jesus, i needed friends. and i found friends. people that liked me and were nice to me. i believed it was jesus that i needed cuz they told me He was the one who gave them peace and happiness. and well....i haven't heard of any other options to reach the hurt in my heart! JESUS BECAME MY COMPADRE. my Lord, my king, my everything. I went the whole way. All out radical.. i think. I'll let others testify of that for me. no need for me to try. Some people already initially assume i wasn't saved in the first place. who knows. it doesn't change anything.

anyhow.. long post thingy again...let me come to a close.

I'm in the same situation i was in when i was a lost confused youth. kinda, not completely. I've never dealt with my insecurities which were the problem in the first place... well, i can't pinpoint exactly what the real issue is, but it's not that i'm a wicked sinner and will burn if i don't repent and accept Jesus. I think the issue stems back to fatherlessness maybe and lack of social skills. That's a killer. I think humans need humans to be close to  but i really don't know. I've just realized that Jesus became a bandaid that concealed all my wounds. nothing actually got healed because i got too busy doing church things to even notice i still needed some attention in my heart and soul. Nothing was actually healed. In fact, as a Christian i got to the point where i was convinced i was healed and told everyone i was. Then i got so immersed in it that i remember being taught by a former pastor that we, as leaders, can not show weakness. people need to see us strong because they need to know it's possible to be strong i guess. It got to the point where i didn't want to admit any weaknesses as a Christian. This was very unhealthy for me. Fake. Phoney. i'm weak. I've been weak. And i find it's better to search out the solution than to expect to get it from god. God has given us everything we need already as humans.

Anyhow. Coming to Jesus because of hurt on the inside is obviously my experience. Not all people have the same experiences. some people come out of fear for hell or who knows what else. But this was my observation at Joels.

good day. ufda!
adamo.